Tantric Kink

He was standing in the middle of the room, blindfolded and with his hands tied behind his back. The shibari rope was caressing him and opening his chest. The rope held him in an embrace, creating a protective and supportive cocoon. He had agreed to this, his first time being tied. He appeared not to have any hesitation to try it. We have been building up trust and intimacy very quickly despite being very new lovers. He was wearing loose trackie bottoms, as I requested him in order to please me. I wanted to have a view of the tip of his ass crack and the top of his pubes while I was teasing him.

He was proudly exhibiting an intermittent semi to a hard-on depending on the touch. I had been playing with different sensations: gentle finger tips on the chest, licking his nipples, the light touch of my beard on his back, my tongue running through his throat. Combined with tight embraces, smacking his bum from time to time, hitting his chest powerfully with my fists. Pulling his cock and his balls to hang over the elastic of his trackies, tickling his testicles and observing the pre-cum oozing. 

I decided to surprise him with a DJ set as we were playing. I would abandon him in the middle of the room. He could sense that I was still there but with the blindfold on, he had to rely on the noises in the room to orientate himself: this intrigued him and added an extra tension to the scene. He also had no idea when the next touch would take place: would it be a cold sensation, a pinchy feeling, a tingly touch… the edge of not knowing what would come next was exciting. Control have been relinquished. 

The soundtrack for the evening was a mixed of rhythms: from some light Bossa Nova to dark electronic music. The idea was to be random and disconcerting. While taking my time to choose the next vinyl I would look at him standing in the middle of the room. Cock hanging, ass on view, tied and deprived of sight… virtually available to anything he would like to consensually do with me. It looked pretty hot I must say. 

We had a traffic light system, commonly used in BDSM scenes. I would ask him: ‘what is the colour?’  And he would reply ‘bright green’ which would reaffirm that we were good to keep going. An orange would have meant ‘something needs to change’ and a ‘red’ would have been to stop altogether. He only called green all along, and for me it was as a bright green as it was for him.

The scene lasted a couple of hours, but when the play is working its magic, the sense of time fades away.

TANTRA, KINK, SURRENDER AND POWER EXCHANGE

I love the idea that in both Tantra and kink (or BDSM – which stands for Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism) the people involved become sexual explorers. That exploration requires curiosity and an openness to experience. In tantra we often talk about the importance of surrender: surrender meaning letting go of control so sensation can fully flow. We drop ideas such as performance, the need for an erection or projection of how a sexual encounter should look like, in order to just feel, connect and expand sensation (or energy) in our bodies. 

Surrender is a concept which is paramount in kink, firstly as a negotiaton of power exchange. On the other hand, as in tantra, the idea of surrender is related to fully letting go of control, inhibitions and to an extent of any shame, so sensation and energy can fully flow.

It is important to notice that power exchange in a kink (or a tantric kink) context means power sharing, not power taking. It might appear to an outsider that the dominant partner has all the power all the time, but in fact it’s the submissive who is in control, because they can stop the power exchange at any time and take back their power. 

Before the play, there is a caring negotiation process: what are the things that are in the willing list and the won’t list for both the dominant and the submissive?. It could be that one partner is available to be tied, and seduced but not available for genital touch. Maybe the other partner would love to tie him and they both share an interest in nipple play, which becomes central to the scene, but they may both agree that there would be no genital touch.

Creating boundaries will keep everybody safe during playtime, both parties are responsible to adhere to them, but the top has an increased responsibility to look after his bottom, so the bottom can find a way to fully surrender to the experience, as he may not relinquish full control unless he feels safe.

ECSTATIC PLEASURE

Barbara Carrellas in her book Urban Tantra says that pleasure, like pain, belongs to the nervous system. Whatever your interpretation of what pleasure is, it is a physical experience collected by the senses.

That pleasure can be transformed into ecstasy. Ecstasy it is experienced as overwhelming delight. This ecstatic pleasure can often be described as an ‘altered state’ or a ‘sub space’. Some of the qualities described in this blissful state are an intense feeling of happiness, lightness in the body and inner peace.

Kink incorporates some practices such as role play, impact and sensation play and fetishes. Tantra also plays with sensation, but it also uses some other practices such as breathwork, movement and visualization to enhance the experience. 

In tantra we strive to become the taste, feel, sound and smell of our sensual experiences. This mean that a kinky fetish such as the smell of sweaty underwear, the feel of leather, or the sound of breath in your ear can be part of a worship ritual. Every fetish can be enjoyed tantrically.

Both Tantra and Kink have in common their ability to bring an element of consciousness to sex. Tantra can also have a spiritual dimension. Connecting to our spirit can be nothing more than connecting to that part of ourselves that makes us vibrate. Those things that make us feel alive, truly content and that resonate with our inner being. Have you ever eaten something that makes you feel ‘elevated’?, smell something that suddenly transports you?, look at a piece of art that truly moves you?…. All those are experiences that can connect to deeper realms in ourselves, unique to our beings, and that make us vibrate and truly enjoy the experience of life.

Both kinks and tantra use sexuality in order to create a sense of expansiveness. The idea is to enter into an altered estate, in which the person can step out of this physical reality and to inhabit a truly ecstatic and blissful place.

ADRENALINE IS NOT ECSTASY 

Carrellas also mentions how in sex (and in life in general), we can confuse the idea that MORE is what we need to keep the excitement going: more sexual partners, more fetishes, more sugar, more exercise … however, as much as this can be an exciting proposal -and in my opinion, done mindfully, can be also be exciting-, we could still find that something is missing. In reality the adrenaline rush may just become a quick fix.

An adrenaline rush is that energy rush that we can get when the nervous system is very aroused, it is a system that evolution created to get us out of danger from a life-threatening situation. The increased adrenaline makes the body to release some chemicals which function as the body’s own opiates including dopamine, oxytocyn and endorphins. This can temporary make us feel-good but it is not designed to last long. Carrellas mentions that if we live from one adrenaline rush to another adrenaline rush this can exhaust our adrenal glands and ‘burnout is about as far from ecstasy as you can get’.

Ecstasy, on the other hand, goes much deeper that this adrenaline fuelled instant pleasure. It requires an openness, a receptivity, a sense of relinquish control, so the fullness of the sensation experience can flow within you and to an extent, touch your inner being to make you vibrate.

TANTRIC KINK

In my experience, both tantra and kink / BDSM share the opportunity for extended fully-body orgasmic states. In both tantra and kink, these orgasmic states are created using a wide variety of techniques that go beyond genital stimulation. Imagine being flogged and for the bottom to use breathwork and visualisation techniques to expand the sensation. The bottom feels full permission to get lost in the sub-space that a dom is holding for them. The sub knows that they are been looked after, to the point, that knowing that they are being held can allow them to truly let go and embrace a reality in which the only thing required for them is to feel, just to feel the yummy delights that their body can provide.

Forthcoming workshops / retreats exploring Tantric Kink:

Manchester Weekend: The Art of Intimacy and Connection Through Touch / with Armand and Pep

MAY 25th-26th, 10 am-6 pm we have a full non-residential weekend ‘The Art of Intimacy and Connection Through Touch’, taught by Armand and myself. This will be the third edition of our Manchester Tantra Weeekend also at Islington Mill Bookings: https://www.outsavvy.com/event/18051/the-art-of-intimacy-and-connection-through-touch-with-armand-and-pep
The first day expect a deep journey into connection with yourself and the other men in the group. A journey of subtlety and care into forming deep bondings.
The second day we will be dedicated to shibari and rope, with an emphasis in how to create meaningful rituals to enhance sensation, exploring consensual pleasure and to give us an experience of deep connection.
**Please also know that there are some en-suite bedrooms available at Islington Mill £60. I have seen them and they are great rooms, if somebody needs a place to stay. You can contact me and I can tell you how to book them.

PORTUGAL RETREATS:

JUNE 7th-10th, we have the first of the Portugal retreats ‘Tantric Kink’ 

A three day dive into erotic playfulness. Exploring a blend of tantric touch, breathwork, meditations and multiorgasmic states with concious BDSM. We will use practices such as shibari/bondage, sensation play, dominance and submission.

Tantric kink is a retreat for erotic explorers. We create a safe and ethical container for you to expand pleasure, explore sacred sexuality and be creative.

No experience in tantra or kink is required. A willingness to explore with an open mind is essential. 

FOR MORE INFORMATION AND BOOKING: https://www.richiesmoore.com/tantric-kink-retreat

OCTOBER 18th-22nd, we have the second of our Portugal retreats ‘Orgasmic Play’

This is a retreat for pleasure seekers. 

In Orgasmic Play we want to bring back the joy of sexuality and moving away from performance. Mixing up the sensual delights of tantra while seeking true playfulness.  

We plan to use toys, play with your fantasies and fetishes and create Sex Magik rituals to allow for your soul to be nourished, cared and celebrated.

Orgasmic play is about truly connecting to the pleasure that your heart seeks, in the company of other truly conscious men who will support you in your journey.

FOR MORE INFORMATION AND BOOKING: https://www.richiesmoore.com/OPR