Chipati – Skeletons dance – Tibetan Buddhist symbol celebrating ‘change’
I used to believe that Tantra was a collection of techniques to make you an amazing lover. There is some of that.
I used to think that in a Tantra workshop somebody would give you some exercises to learn different ways to stroke your cock, to stimulate the prostate and maybe to use the breathing to boost your sexual performance. There can be some of that too.
I had read the book The multiorgasmic man, by Mantak Chia and I thought that Tantra was all about being able to edge for ages and achieve amazing orgasms without coming. Certainly that is a possibility.
What I did not suspect is that even the most amazing techniques require of an open heart, a beginners’ mind, an ability to let go and a mind that can be present. A mind that is on your side. A mind that does not call for perfection, dramatises or that feels stressed in sex -and in life-.
Most of us would have encountered times in which sex does not go according to plan: the erection does not work, you come too quickly or you never come, you feel overwhelmed.
What about when you think your lover is sexier than you?, or you feel intimidated to bottom or to top?, you feel inadequate?…. The stories are endless.
There is a common marker in all those stories: you can not allow for your body (and your mind) to relax, to let yourself go, to play, to enjoy, to be present, without your mind chatting and fears coming to you.
‘If it happens in your sex, it happens in your life‘ (Jason Tantra)
This is an interesting idea: what role do you feel sex has in your life?, how often do you use sex as a distraction or escapism?, do you feel sex makes you feel happier, closer, more intimate with your partner or better in yourself?, do you have sex at all?, is sex important for you?, does sex stress you?…
Do you feel that you present yourself authentically as who you are in sex or issues such as shame or worry to be accepted happen?
And then, how much of any of that happens in your day to day life?: how much in your day you feel you need to escape, to distract yourself?, you feel less or more than others, you need to be perfect, you get stress about life/work, you feel angry for the way other performs, you feel angry for the way you feel perceived?.
The invitation here is for you to reflect on: how much in reality your sex is connected/disconnected from the rest of YOUR life?
SO WHAT IS TANTRA THEN?:
The idea that we have of Tantra in the West comes as part of the Sexual revolution and counter culture movements in the 1960s. In reality this is what we call ‘Neotantra’ and has very little to do with the original ‘Tantra’ religion that appeared in India in Medieval times.
Neotantra (so now commonly named ‘Tantra’) borrows from some of the principles commonly used in Buddhist meditation: be in the present moment, work towards being free from negative judgement and most importantly be kind to yourself and to others. It challenges your ego and helps you to reflect to grow as a better version of yourself.
Sex becomes a place to develop these principles by exploring longer full body multiple orgasms, increased sensitivity and an ability to let go. Sex then becomes a metaphor of your day to day life: ‘if it happens in your sex, it happens in your life’.